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Sunday, December 4, 2016

Jatuh

Sekali jatuh,
Dua kali bangun.
Kalau dah berkali-kali jatuh sampai tak mampu nak bangun?

Terlalu banyak "kehilangan" sampai rasa nak hilangkan diri terus.
Bukan sekali, bukan dua kali hilang,
Tapi dah berkali-kali.

And i wonder, am i gonna losing again?

I've lost many, many of my once called friends before.
They said that it was once my fault.
But nah, why didn't any of them help me? Fix me?
Yet they just left me in the dark, alone.
And i think the history repeat again, without i didn't even know what am i doing.
Too afraid to ask because she was not truly a strong girl to heard any kind of answer.
So she just depressed herself and woke up with the tears.

I've once lost myself, and i thought that i already found myself.
But actually i just keep going losing myself without i realize it.

That's why you should never break the promise that you made to yourself.
"Never get yourself attached to anyone because in the end, you can't bear the separation"

I'm fucking tired with everything, tired with every misunderstanding, tired with those who are full with judgement without never try to ask.
I'm just tired, and realize that no one deserve my worries and attention.

There's only more or less than 16 months to be here, stay strong dearself.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Screw those feeling

Sometimes i wonder, and wonder, and wonder, again and again. Did the wrong that i'd done were too big that i have to deserve all this pain?
And i think, yes. 
It was a very big-stupid mistake.
I swear that this kind of feeling hurts me so much. It makes me feel suffocated and drowned.
I've lost everything and now i feel like i lost myself too.
Sometimes i wonder, am i too stupid or did the reality are too cruel?
Saying myself a stupid girl because still thinking about the one that maybe never think about me.
I do miss all those things, all those jokes, all those memories.
Thought that i forget everything but why did i still crying over that?
Admit that i had done a very big mistake and i swear that i want to turn over the time again.
Why must i know someone that i shouldn't know? Why must i act stupid again and again?
And today, here i am, crying over those old photos again.
Still remember the first time we talked together, how you get to know my friend and how i get to know you.
Still remember all those naughty things that we did.
I wish that i can say sorry, but i just can't.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Clinical Medicine Practical

Among all the subjects that i had learnt before, i think this is the best subject ever. But still, kenapaaaa nanti ada OSPE haa ni yang taksuka takbest taknak takut. Lagi rela la jawab sampai dua tiga paper daripada OSPE. 

First, ofcourse sebab that kind of public fright whatsoever tu. Ha, lagi la kalau nervous dengan cuma bagi masa 5 minit je nak fikir diagnosis oh nehi memang otak jammed rasanya nanti. Tapi kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi nak berubah kan? Baru practice history taking dengan kawan sendiri pun macam apa jammed tak tau nak tanya apa siap gegelak lagi macam mana la nanti nak face-to-face dengan patient satu hari nanti. Elak patient mintak tukar doctor je nanti huahahaha.


That day (28.09.2016), first time la rasanya dapat masuk simulation ward. Ingatkan budak MBBS je dapat merasa masuk sana haa kitorang pun dapat ok. Kiranya macam practice history taking sekali dengan first practical physical examination a.k.a kena measure blood pressure (dengar je memula semua like... hek eleh kacang je ni). Tapi haaa hambik kau, padan muka siapa suruh sem satu dulu masa class Cardiovascular buat memain haa lepastu kalini habis lupa step semua. Berapa jam haritu sampai berpeluh nak dengar Korottkof sound punya pasal huahahaha jahanam betul memasing.

Lepas memasing dah dapat blood pressure 'patient' memasing, lepastu memasing mula la gatal tangan nak bergambar lagi-lagi aku la kan konon sebab rasmikan labcoat baru hahaha gedik gila. Menggeletar mintak permission Dr Thazin takut nanti kena sembur tak proffessional ke apa sebab nak bergambar dalam ward, tapi nasib baikkkkkkk she's soo kind siap bergambar sekali hahaha.

So here we go.....


#KasiChanceLah #AcahKejap :p 



Dengan Dr Thazin yang comel plusplus :p

Haa, gaya memasing dah macam apa dah hahaha.



Looking forward for the next practical session with Dr Thazin:)

Happy 20th Miera Alison

Happy 20th bless birthday to.... me!


23rd September 2016, welcome to 2 decades of my life. How fast the time flies. Rasa macam baru semalam je kat matrik, eh tup-tup dah doploh tahun dah. Mama dengan ayah kata dah big girl dah, takboleh nak cengeng lagi (gaya macam selalu sangat je nangis hahaha), takboleh nak mengada lagi dah, dah boleh kahwin dah oops.

Tapi, paling tak sangka si puaka-puaka tu boleh pulak buat surprise tetengah malam. Yang diri sendiri pulak memang tak syak apa-apa langsung, tak expect anything sbb tengah busy siapkan tutorial Virus plus layan Jealousy Incarnate. Jam jangan tanya la, memang tak sedar pun pukul berapa. Dengan phone pun dah silent entah kemana. Yelah, mana la nak expect apa-apa. Dengan Wafriy sah-sah kat Indah Alam, Ain Nana Aina semua awal-awal dah balik Brunsfield & Prima, dengan Hafidz ada tuisyen, dengan tengah perang dengan Adib hahahaha so i'm fvcking clueless like........

Tengah malam tu, macam biasa roommate terchenta si Fateha mengadu lapar la pulak. Tapi nak pelik apa sebab dia memang doplohpat jam lapar, perut non-stop bunyi. Haa tu yang terpedaya tu turun menara konon cari burger tetengah malam, dengan muka serabut habis, belum tengok lagi baju tidur sarung cardigan je haiyoyooo nasib baik jelah tak turun pakai seluar tidur ke tudung renyuk ke apa. Sampai kedai bawah entah macam mana layankan soalan Wafriy tanya pasal Virus, tu yang taksedar boleh masuk kedai tanpa dipaksa hahaha. Tup-tup semua orang ada dalam kedai tu, rupanya memasing sorok kat bawah kaunter cashier dengan dekat kitchen. Alolooo shiann korang ye :p 
Barulah tau rupanya yang Afiq dengan Zaki pergi Aeon tak ajak tu sebab pergi beli kek balloon apa semua haha dengan sanggup turun menara guna tangga sebab taknak ada bunyi bising depan rumah hahahaha korang ni sumpah comel tau tak.

I'm reallyy reallyyyyyy speechless, and ofcourse happyyyy. Thanks jugak too Nabil yang sanggup turun tengah malam join surprise haha this is sooo not you yang suka keluar malam lewlz :p 
You all really know how to made my day. That's why i love all of you to the infinity and beyond, no doubt. And thanks jugak to my families, everyone yang wish through whatsapp wechat facebook twitter instagram and even through call. All of you are truly the best :)

So this is the video of what happened that 23rd September's night, nak masukkan gambar takde banyak sebab haa dah nama kena surprise mana la terfikir nak bergambar ye dok hahaha :p

video

P/s: Mohon abaikan rupa sememeh macam hape hahaha and thankyou Afiq sebab jadi photographer tak berbayar, hehehe the best!

Thursday, September 15, 2016

One year in Medical School

3 years had passed...


Who have ever taught that a heartbreak could change a girl's perspective? A heartbreak could change how a girl behave? How a heartbreak lead to a fresh new life of a stupid 17 years old girl?

She, never imagined how her life would be. She had once before taught that she ruined her life. Hopeless and have nothing at all. Losing her friends one by one, losing everyone's trust and losing herself. How stupid she can be before this.

Going through matriculation alone, for a year, where I start to stay away from everyone. Making less friend that I could ever made, rebel and start to not studying anything. Yet, He still give a chance where I still could make it (even the result was so-so, duhh). And glad that my squad were there when I need them the most. Maiza, who were always be there either when I was sick or sad. Yayan, who were always inspired me with her inspiring words that made me feel better (still remember the shawl and little inspired note that she gave to me).

After finished the matriculation, I tried to enter medical institution where that I started to realize that my passion was to be a doctor. I really want to be a surgeon, but it was a little too late where I couldn't make through any interview despite of the public fright that I was suffering from. Then only I accept to study at MSU Shah Alam. But I was only a medical science student despite of the MBBS student because I realized that I can't afford to make it either mentally or financially. 

From here, my life start to change one by one. I was tried hard to live alone, outside and without anyone that I ever knew, meeting lots of new friends where I can't even imagine how close they will be with me, slowly I tried to throw away my ego and anger. It was hard at first, how I always come back home late at night either by staying at library or hanging out at any cafe for coffee or food hunting just to avoid my housemates from getting them seeing me with troubles, keeping my tears rolled down my cheeks almost every night, and regretting for everything that I've done. 

Throughout the first year, I had faced many things that I can't even imagine. Doing lots of crazy things together (not alone like usual), start to accept everyone in my life, and start to enter other's life too. Wow, this is just not like my usual-self. Karaoke almost every month, not bother with the assignment, stay up at KL after mentoring sesh (still remember how i got my first 'saman' near the Dataran Merdeka), all those truth or dare games, and other mentoring activities like the bowling and escape room challenge. So glad that Madam Zuhaira was the best mentor ever. No doubt, she was like our mother and she was so caring. That's why we love her the most even we are more likely to annoyed her, lelwz :p

Semester 2 was my horrible semester ever. Moving out to a new house, where here again I need to get know to the new people. How I'm dealing with my roommate's breakup. How I was badly have a fever during the examination. How depressed am I when almost every time, my dad always ask me to find another course where he could afford it till the last. How sad am I when I have no one to share my story with like before, where I start to realized the reality that I was battling alone. And how frustrated am I when knowing someone that I know was making a story about me, adding up those nonsense gossip where I don't  even know where did i do wrong with them. How miserable my day, everyday when I tried to make nothing was happened, like I am the happiest and noisiest girl ever that everyone known. Glad, that I still could make it where I've got the dean's. Alhamdulillah.

Final phase of my first year was the busiest phase ever. This is when we start to enjoy every program and every single activities in our list. That "our" was referring to my favorite squad ever - Puaka. Hahaha I know how nonsense the name was but that showing how "puaka" was everyone. Every single person was very annoying to the maximum, yet I can't imagine how my life  as degree student would be if I wouldn't know them. THEY TRULY MAKE MY DAY HAPPIER EVEN WITH THEIR  POISONOUS WORDS. How i want to cherish everything that happened - starting from the aerodance competition where we start to love dancing, zumba, handling the Riang Ria Raya event together, camping together at Hulu Langat, that kind of feeling when you've got to feel the moments of camping (barbeque, swim in the river, jungle trekking, gossiping all day) with your favorite people. How we climb and take over Broga Hill during the Independence Day, cycling together at Cerakah, spending time together before our final paper (movie, karaoke, bowling and even playing arcade). All that were the best feeling ever, and I couldn't express more using words. They managed to get me out of my world, world that full of regret and sadness, world that I don't even want to live in.

That's when I realized that my life was completely changed.

Another one thing for sure, that the heartbreak girl had fallen for another.

And that's when she she start to see her life differently from before and try to be a better person.


IMS World's Health Day


Incomplete puaka goes cycling :p


Our first big event together! :)



Take over Broga on 31st August 2016


DONE WITH OUR FIRST YEAR OF MEDICAL SCHOOL



P/s: Looking forward for many other exciting moments. Wish all of us luck till the end. Amin! :)